When Websites Cry

So i'm on the internet the other day (as i am most days to be fair, farms just don't 'ville' themselves you know!) and i hear a noise. Sounded a bit like a sniffling sobby sort of noise. So i have a poke about and before i know it i'm face to face with Livejournal.


Its my fault, i know this. "You've found another website haven't you!" she wailed, jabbing a pointed URL at me. Well, it was kinda true but she took my pause to think about how best to reply as the worst possible answer (i hate it when websites do that!) and before i know it i'm slapped round the face by a trembling cache.

I guess i deserved that.

The problem is, i tried to explain, that work just don't let you in any more. As that was where we spent most of our quality time over the past decade what was i to do? "And your new site, i suppose she's allowed in is she?" Well, no, not her either. Its just her format, it works better for me now. "Its Facebook isn't it?".

I didn't have to reply. She already knew.

But i felt bad, a right toolbar if i'm honest, so i made her a promise. At least weekly i would still come by and see her. We've both moved on from where we used to be (well, i have, she hasn't but i don't think phrasing it quite like that would have gone down too well!) but there's no reason we still can't catch up from time to time. Spend a bit of time together, share a cookie, that sort of thing. She agreed, though i can't help but wonder if she's hoping that things can just slide back to what they were. Poor love.


So where have i been of late? Well i do rather like;
Did you know that, for example, that until early April you didn't technically own yourself? Not all of you anyway. Cos you don't. You see a whopping great American pharma company was allowed to patent a gene!!! The BRCA1 gene to be specific, which is a key gene for breast cancers. Not only did this stop all work vs breast cancer where this gene was concerned (a lot!) but, because we've all got this gene, they actually were given ownership over part of every one of us! What muppet signs off on that exactly!? Still, its overturned now, so feel free to go using it again, 'kay?


You like Harry Potter? You like China? You like piracy? Then boy have i got a site for you;
Featuring such translated chinese Potter-knock off classics such as;

'Harry Potter and the Leopard Walk-Up-To Dragon'
Which as i'm sure you can all tell from the give-away title is genuinely The Hobbit with Bilbo re-written as Harry!

And then there is this gem of a book cover from 'Harry Potter and Beaker and Burn';


Oh, wanna know if your local MP gives a shit and remembers his responsibilities? Then see if they even bothered to answer the survery done by the excellent;


Results are up now and it nicely manages to cut my choices down to just Blue Party and Yellow Party. Saves some thinking :)


Aliens Boardgame? Whilst film music plays? Ker-ching!



Yo Mass Effect 2, I’m really happy for you…I’ll let you finish. But Dragon Age had one of the best inter-video-game homo-erotic relationships of all time! Of All Time!

Frankly, compared to that (not to mention the 'special' option in the whorehouse some light flirting with my Crew Liaison Officer (*cough*secretary*cough*) just doesn't quite cut the mustard.


...its been a while hasn't it?

Thats pesky work blocking LJ for you, which was where i did the lion's share of my updatery before. I've actually got to write this from home (well, my Mum's house) - means i'm not even getting paid for it, pshaw!

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Just As I Thought: The Zombie Robot Gustav Eiffel!

Was just one of the whole slew of great lines from The Umbrella Academy, which turned out to be one of the best graphic novels i've read in a long time. Believe it or not (i do, cos its true and stuff) its written by the lead singer of Chemical Romance who clearly missed his proper calling. Write more dammit, and write it now!

Oh look, and Lily Allen has 'condemned the BNP'...well, thats them sorted then. For her next trick Lily will solve world poverty by proclaiming 'it sucks when people are poor'.

Heh, watching the news and writing this at the same time, it appears there may be some bleed-thru...

So yes, here i am, home alone for the next 4 days and well stocked with ice-cream. The Wife is visiting her Mum with The Tiny Person (and lodger/baggage handler/bodyguard). After work it was a trip to asda, an Amazon Prime order already have been made (that turned up at 8:30 this morning - w00t), and an agreement made for it to be nice and sunny, though not too polleny. All should be good. In fact so far - tick! After letting in my parcels it was back to bed with a cup of coffee to read the previously mentioned Umbrella Academy. MY first such lay in in...in...in...

*** Intermission for happy weeping ***

Wow, a Bristol museum is opening a Banksy exhibit with over a hundred new pieces. Bet that'd be a sight to see. To sort that out whilst keeping his anonymity, pretty good going Mr Banks.

So do i have anything planned?

Well there might be the cinema on Sunday AM with my Mum and my Brother-in-Law, with Angels & Demons or Terminator: Salvation looking the top two potential targets.
Al is round tomorrow afternoon/evening, maybe a return to the golden era of Naked Day in the offing there, who knows!
Got From Hell to read, courtesy of amazon as i've never actually read this Alan Moore classic. Have had a quick flick and the art, by Eddie Campbell, is a far cry from Dave Gibbons' work on Watchmen. Rather than having a traditional sequential feel it seems each grid layout shows more like a quick-fire series of stills. Promises to be interesting.
Eat ice-cream.
Watch bad films on Sci-Fi (can anything be worse than Cyclops???).
Could even play Fable II, only owned it for 6 months without touching it. Don't get me started on my record with GTA:Chinatown Wars, Chrono Trigger, Professor Layton, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates or Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings on the DS!
Oh yes, and there is always trusty Warcraft - come on guild buddies, get yourselves online - i'm back!!!

Also plan on doing some writing this weekend. I'm ahead by a couple of sessions on the Sunday Game but would like to sit down and fatten out a few bits, see if i can't make them a wee bit more interesting/different/novel. I've got Something Big planned for them hitting 20th and i want to have my passage there fully mapped out at least. The Wednesday Game is going well too, i've done much better than i thought i would juggling a non-linear (as best as i can make it) White Wolf game alongside a stat-heavy D&D. We're three sessions in on Wednesday now and i've got at least that much to go depending on how i decide the end game to pan out, though its going so well that i might fatten it out a bit. Seriously i could have easily turned this into a campaign, got so much material in me for this one that i could pour out and feed in, but that isn't how Wednesday are supposed to work. Adventures, not campaigns. Given how well running 2 games is going though i don't have many qualms about looking into Dark Heresy some more this weekend as it too is deeply inspiring. If i end up following myself on Wednesday's by going straight from White Wolf to Dark Heresy i shan't be too gutted.

Gosh, it seems that the 'picture of the economy' from one James Knightly is largely one of massive ears! Seriously, they're huuuuuuge! I'm really sorry BBC but all he's saying is 'blah blah blah EARS blah blah EARS blah bah'.

Quotes for all the work on our house are in, options chosen, people contacted. We're now in a nice calm period where everything just gets scheduled in before the upheaval hits again. Money has run out a bit with some paraphernalia still to source (ie labour for fitting kitchen sorted, actual gubbins to fit not so!) but we've got some time for fund-raising and so should be fine.

Miss not having Live Journal at work any more. Note to self: learn about email updating. Also, if i'm bothered, sort out Facebook on the mobile.

Mmmm, muffins with chicken & stuffing spread.

Now for more coffee.

And then i might put on some pants.


And Then There Was That Time...

...When a man dressed as a panda fought a wrestling match against the man that killed his Pa;

(Courtesy of http://www.the-isb.com/)

So...hows it all been hanging you say?

Well mostly 'out' and sort of pooled around the bathroom.

Yes, thats right, i've been sick again! This time a wonderful combo of bad food and labyrinthitus (that sadly involved very little minotaur action) that nicely ruined bank holiday monday for me. Sure, i was well enough to watch the next in my Tripe Films on Sci-Fi ('Warbirds', feathery pterodactyls vs lady mechanics pilots in WWII no less) but not a lot else.

Surely i must have something more to say about this last week...


I finally got round to re-speccing my Warcraft chappies in readiness to recommence playing?

Watched Iron Man back to back with Incredible Hulk (showing just how much better it is by comparison).

Saw Trailers for Sherlock Holmes, Surrogates and Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.

Oh yes, and caught my first look at the 09/10 tv calender. Get this V is coming back as a 13 episode series hoping to run for a total of 4 seasons! Morena Bacarin, the space-prozzy from Firefly (longest neck on tv outside of tribal programs) is playing the evil lizard-women-megalomaniac and has cropped all her hair off to play the role - dedication (though i do worry it'll make her neck seem even more prominent. I recommend roll-necks).

We also see;

"Three very different women find themselves drawn together by a mysterious man who unleashes unique powers in each of them, and this small New England town will never be the same. The series is based on the popular movie The Witches of Eastwick and on the novel of the same title by John Updike.

Cancelled before season 1 ends.

Flash Forward
"When a mysterious event causes the entire world to black out, humanity is given a glimpse into its near future, and every man, woman and child is forced to come to grips with whether their destinies can be avoided or fulfilled.

Cancelled after season 1 ends, internet campaign to get season 2 fails.

Happy Town
"Haplin, Minnesota, 'Happy Town', is approaching almost a decade of peace after being riddled for years by unsolved kidnappings. But in the wake of this small town's first crime in seven years, some dark truths are being revealed about some familiar faces. They say every town has its secrets... that doesn't even begin to describe Happy Town.

Seen it when it was called Twin Peaks.

Vampire Diaries
"a young woman who's torn between two vampire brothers -- one good, one evil -- who are battling for her soul, and the souls of her pals, family and the small town where they live."

...do i really need to say anything?


I do wonder if these ones will be all sparkly though.

Blimey, i really am counting a LOT on Stargate: Robert Carlyle aren't i?

Oh well, all i can say is;


Vampire Clan Sparklypoo - aka - 'Twilight'

By god what a terrible film!

In my defence i only saw it because i had the Rifftrax version which both me and Suse agreed would be the only way we'd ever see this movie fan-fic.

It all starts when a bland emotionless smile-a-phobe girl goes to live with her Dad in Rainville, a town perennially on the cusp of a downpour, without one ever actually occurring. This is very handy for the local clan on vampire catalogue models because it means they can all go to school here and be enigmatic and cliquey at the other stupid 'normal' kids.

On day one Bland Girl is given a truck for no good reason by native americans who are obviously werewolves and she goes to school to immediately fall in love with Bland Boy who happens to be one of the vampire catalogue models, albeit by far the ugliest (flat face, big stabby nose). Of course Bland Boy then misses the next few days of school which Bland Girl obsesses about endlessly, her life being so bland that stalking is now the only social option available to her in her spare time.

Eventually he comes back to school, they talk, she buys a book, he drives her home and when they both go for the car radio at the same time she, of course, realises that this means he is a vampire. Oh yeah, he does save her from being squished by a truck because her blandness prevents her taking one step to the right and thus getting out of the way but, frankly, its more Smallville then Nosferatu here. Still she goes with vampire (guess she has never heard about the classic 'daytime + vampire = bad' bit of the mythos before) and, fortunately for her ignorance he is! Well mostly a vampire. You see he is a vampire created by the bite of fan-fiction, which means he has all of the kewl powerz of vampirism but none of the drawbacks, like issues with mirrors or daytime. Sunlight, get this - you;ll like it, sunlight on this vampire's skin Just Makes It Go A Bit Sparkly.

Truly he is cursed by God!!!

At this point the film gets really bad, because Bland Boy is trying so hard to be angsty about his curse (oh i'm a monster!) when its quite obvious its just really neat. (He's also had oodles of years to deal with it too, so he's clearly got issues, or is just plain thick). I think we the viewer are expected to sympathise with his plight, but when his plight mostly consists of 'sparkling' thats pretty hard.

Oh, did i mention he's a telepath too? Yes? Oh, well, he is.

Truly he is cursed by God!!!

Vampirism naturally bonds our bland couple to death by...ah...hitting the girl with the plot stick, largely. Boy is vampire thus girl must fancy him, thats pretty much all the justification we get here and at no point is this ever further expanded. They then commence a bland courtship of lying around, staring at things and almost never actually speaking, especially not to one another in case, heaven forbid, one of them accidentally say something exciting and causing will saving throws vs death for all those within earshot.

Then, during a baseball game which can only be played during a storm so we can feel even sorrier for the clan of goody catalogue vampires, some baddy vampires turn-up and a Pose Off ensues! The drama here is virtually...incredibly...utterly...absent. It definitely seems that a vampires no1 weapon in their arsenal is A Jolly Good Stare, possibly even followed up with Good Hair. The goodies are all fearful that the baddies might do bad things to Bland Girl (one of them made a sarcy comment about her!) so they absolutely have to protect her. As they already outnumber the baddies 2 to 1 they do the obvious thing; send her obviously off away from them with just a lone escort, in a vehicle even slower than a piggyback ride.

Fortunately the baddies really aren't all that fussed, and just wander off...except for one! For this vampire is especially bad, because he has a ponytail, and for no good reason what so ever appears to decide he needs to eat Bland Girl above and beyond every single other girl ever. So he stalks her. Slowly. And badly. And after being told he's the best baddy vampire vampire tracker ever he spends several days going in the wrong direction and then has to go bully Bland Girl's slightly more interesting mum in order to phone Bland Girl and get her to meet him.

Yeah, real fiendish. Great tracking.

Bland Girl, being some sort of idiot, actually turns up and just gets thrown around a bit because otherwise the baddy would win. His dallying gives Bland Boy time to turn up (um...telepathy? Even though he can't read Bland minds due to plot? Um...) and after he gets beaten up for being shit the rest of the goody catalogue vampires turn up to easily beat the ponytailed baddy (did i mention one of the goodies can see the future? That was rather handy wasn't it?). Bland Girl is a bit hurt but, thanks to her severed femoral artery being as lifeless and bland as its owner, she can bleed away happily for many minutes whilst the catalogue vampires discuss what pose to take whilst they...ah...sort of suck the dyingness out of her. Yeah, i didn't get that either. I mean she got bitten a bit but i'm not sure how 'unbiting' her (cause thats what they did!) sewed her up and put all that blood back in her...

Luckily she passes out so the plot doesn't need to feed us trivialities like that and can instead just tell Bland Girl's mum that her daughter just fell down the stairs. Oh, and why did she flee home in a panic? Um...nope, not dealt with, what panicked flight? No, nothing to see here, just go back home and back to school tomorrow. Tra la la, everything is normal.

The end?


Because teenage vampire-sexed-wanabee audience-gooers demand more, dammit, and by jove they get it! Why you can virtually sense their panties dampening as our Bland Couple go to their Bland Prom and dance a bit. And we even get our obligatory scene where Bland Girl asks to me made a vampire, due to its complete lack of drawbacks, only for Bland Boy to refuse (I don't want you to be cursed by God!!!) because otherwise there won't be as much for him to faux-angst over in the inevitable sequels where she is bound to be on deaths door and turning her is the only way he can save her (i don't know, i certainly haven't read this shit, but i'd put real money on it).

Then it ends.


But i can never forget...

The. Salmon. Moose.

(Bonus point to anyone who knows where that title comes from btw)

So, where have i been?

Well i've been at work of course where, annoyingly, they have recently decided to block LJ. Plus my head cold went away which led to me not getting better, oh no, but getting worse.

How does that work?

Well its all about sinuses you see. By Thursday by cold had mostly gone (apart from morning coughing fits) but my sinuses where completly blocked and the pressure inside my head just got worse and worse to the point where i staggered home from work and went straight to bed and this morning had serious problems opening my left eye due to the pain in my temple.

Thanks the gods for a good local chemists. Two (HUGE!) tablets of 'sinutab' and half an hour later and i'm finally actually able to function as a human again! Coughing still causes a knife to cut into my temple but its not the monofilament stabbing it was first thing and i can actual use the sense of scent again - a veritable revelation at Asda!


Finished Life on Mars season 1, upon which i committed the cardinal sin of unintentional punnery by proclaiming John Simm's performance as being 'Masterful'. It was an interesting last episode too as by and large i think the series is carried on the strength on Philip Gleneister as Gene Hunt, but the last episode really was all Simms and, frankly, he was amazing.

Brilliant shows. I almost don't want to watch season 2 as its the last season before it becomes Ashes to Ashes which seems to suffer by comparison according to most reviews.


Twilight. I haven't seen/read it yet but i bet some of you have - opinions?

My Special Easter Prayer for This Weekend

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Easter,
I will fear no child: For my Mum art with me;
Thy rusks and thy milk, they comfort me.
I preparest a table before me in the presence of thy nappies;
Thou annointest my head with dribble; My love runneth over.